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Naturally, such talk swiftly brings a queue of the most adored actresses in Hollywood clamouring for an audition - why chase when one can arrange to have the finest veal brought directly to your door? Of course, no such script exists. Oh, I do have a project in mind - one that will indeed catapult Jolie into the national zeitgeist - it's just not the one she thinks. But, I can guarantee that our collaboration will bring Angelina her biggest audience to date....... My coup de grace is to publicly shortlist my candidates down to two - Angelina Jolie and Catherine Zeta Jones. Two very different stars - hardly likely to be regular competitors for the same role. However, for the show I have in mind, each is more than adequately advantaged. There was never any real competition. Jolie was always my target - Catherine just made her capture all the more fun. You see, Ms Zeta Jones fell prey to my 'charms' some time ago. Since that time, she has systematically been fucking her way to the top of the Hollywood ladder - her startling lack of acting talent making it all too clear why her star is in the ascendancy.
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